Selective Mutism and the Holidays

November 2023

Dear SM Community,

It is known as the most wonderful time of the year, but for people with selective mutism the holidays can be very stressful. Family gatherings, changes in routines and expectations to talk can be exhausting and overwhelming. By using proactive strategies and managing expectations you can lessen the anxiety and set your loved one up for happy holidays and family memories.

It’s important to first manage your own expectations for the holidays. Setting goals that are not obtainable can put unnecessary pressure on someone with selective mutism and actually decrease the likelihood that they will be comfortable enough to communicate with others. Talk about who will be there, what activities will happen and common questions people are likely to
ask. It can be helpful to role play and practice beforehand. Talking about holiday events and planning goals together will help lessen anxiety and set reasonable goals that you both can be proud of. Brainstorm jobs that your child or teen is comfortable with such as serving snacks, helping cook or bake, passing out gifts (if that is part of your celebration) or taking people’s coats. Bring favorite games, toys, sensory tools and activities that they enjoy as this will open up communication opportunities with others.

Before family gatherings, talk to your family members about the selective mutism diagnosis and specifically what they can do to help your loved one be as successful as they can be. This could include asking them not to ask questions or expect responses right away as warm up time might
be needed. While selective mutism can be misunderstood, it’s helpful to give clear examples of how to interact with someone with this diagnosis. Doing so beforehand can help ease everyone’s anxiety and create a more comfortable environment.

Having a place to take short breaks can help ease anxiety as well. If you are hosting, you can set up a calming space or talk to your family about creating this kind of space in their homes. This allows your child or teenager to step away if they need to. Sometimes the option alone is comforting. You could also use this space if they are freezing up to talk away from others and
adjust your current goal or create a new strategy.

Last of all, remember that working through selective mutism is a process. Your holiday season might look different than others and that’s okay. This is a great time to work on social exposures and build connections with family. Planning ahead and involving your loved one with selective mutism in their goals can make the holiday season less overwhelming and build confidence.

Sincerely,
Chelsea Gamache, M.S., BCBA
SMA Board of Directors