Selective Mutism and Holidays: How to Manage Selective Mutism During the Holiday Season

Try these 7 tips to make holiday gatherings more enjoyable for your child with selective mutism

Holidays are a time of fun, warmth, and togetherness—but they can also be a time of stress, especially for those with selective mutism. For a child with selective mutism, holiday gatherings with friends and family present their own unique challenges. Anxiety can come from large groups of people, a departure from routine, and interactions with family members who don’t understand selective mutism. Preparation and appropriate expectations can go a long way in managing selective mutism around the holidays (and even during events like birthday parties and other social gatherings). And with a little outreach, friends and family can learn what selective mutism is and begin learning how to make the holidays more comfortable. Here are seven tips for keeping the holidays as stress-free as possible for your child.

1. Explain to guests in advance

Letting friends and family know about your child’s selective mutism diagnosis before the event can help the day go smoother. Especially if your child is attending a gathering in a new place, such as a friend’s house, make sure the host is on the same page. Depending on your level of closeness, a phone call or email might be the easiest first step to explain the symptoms of selective mutism and provide some actionable tips for interacting with your child. Here are some tips for explaining selective mutism to friends and family to get you started. 

2. Set realistic expectations with your child

Before the event, make a plan with your child. You can even practice questions and scripts beforehand. If you communicate your expectations before the big day, your child can set goals and find reasons to feel proud. Remember, at the end of the day, the purpose of holiday events is to enjoy them—even if these events provide an opportunity for a child with selective mutism to practice speaking, it’s okay if your child communicates in other ways or simply enjoys the company of family members and friends.

3. Allow for warm-up time

Warm-up time can be essential for a child with selective mutism. Allow your child five to 10 minutes to get comfortable, and then ask a question to include them in the interactions. Avoid yes-or-no questions that make it easy to resort to nodding or pointing. Offering two specific options (“Would you like to sit in the living room or the dining room?”) will encourage their brave talking and decision-making. Sometimes, your child may be too overwhelmed by their surroundings to speak at all. That’s also okay! Read your child’s comfort level and make sure they feel safe.

4. Plan some activities

Holiday activities can provide a low-stress way for your child to have fun. Cookie baking, tree trimming, and holiday crafts can allow your child to get involved with the group without feeling pressured to speak. As they get more comfortable, games with a verbal component, like I Spy, Guess Who, and even Pictionary, are a great way to build your child’s courage. Here is a list of more games and activities to encourage your child’s brave talking. Offer subtle praise to your child when they use their voice. You can even plan out some toys and rewards to bring to holiday events to incentivize their brave talking. 

5. Assign your child a special job

Giving your child an easy responsibility like setting the table or handing out gifts is a great confidence booster! If possible, consider a job that incorporates your child’s interests or skillset. If your child enjoys helping out in the kitchen, try tasks like mixing ingredients or arranging food on a baking sheet. If they’re tech- or music-minded, have them create a music playlist—and, depending on their comfort level, take requests. A sense of purpose will make them feel like they’re part of the special day. Make sure to thank them for their contribution and praise any specific instances of brave talking that coincide with their job.

6. Set up a quiet space

Establish a safe, quiet space at the start of the event where your child can visit if they’re feeling overwhelmed. Let them know it’s okay to return for a few minutes if they need to during the gathering. But make sure your child doesn’t retreat for too long. You can try having them set a timer for a set number of minutes to practice calm breathing before rejoining the group. During holiday events, it’s important to build momentum. If you notice your child going off on their own for more than a few minutes, gently reintroduce them to the festivities.

7. Encourage time for one-on-one interactions

Let your friends and family members know that children with selective mutism warm up best in one-on-one interactions. That way, they can find ways to talk with your child away from the hubbub of holiday parties. You can even set up a safe spot where your child can interact with one or two trusted people at a time to build up their courage.

Preparing and offering actionable tips to your friends and family will make the holidays go smoother. Through it all, it’s important to meet your child at their level and recognize their efforts. Past the stress, the holidays can be a special time to spend together. 

And you’re not in it alone. As you prepare, you can find a selective mutism support group and view more resources for families with selective mutism.