How to Help Your Child with Selective Mutism: 7 Tips

Here’s how to support your child with selective mutism through diagnosis and treatment using best practices

Does your child speak freely at home but shut down in public spaces? When strangers are around, does your child point or nod instead of answering questions? Or do they not respond at all? If these symptoms have persisted over time and caused significant impairment in the child’s life, they may have selective mutism. Whether you suspect your child has selective mutism or they’ve recently received a diagnosis, these seven simple tips on how to help a child with selective mutism can help parents manage their symptoms and day-to-day life.

These selective mutism do’s and don’ts will help you navigate interactions with empathy, positive reinforcement, and even fun:

1. Find a treating professional

Selective mutism is a treatable anxiety disorder that affects an individual’s ability to speak up in certain social settings. In addition to being able to diagnose an individual with selective mutism, a treating professional can recommend a personalized plan for treatment and see it through. The most common treatment for selective mutism uses behavioral therapies to gradually encourage the child to speak in increasingly difficult situations with the help of positive reinforcement. Other treatments, such as psychotherapy and medication, address the underlying anxiety the child faces in social situations. For some children, speech-language therapy can also be beneficial. Use the Find a Treating Professional Tool to help you locate professionals with various specialties who have experience in diagnosing and treating selective mutism in children, teens, and young adults.

2. Educate yourself and others about selective mutism

The more you know, the better you can navigate selective mutism. Check out our articles and resources about diagnosis and treatment options, and learn how to dispel myths about selective mutism. Then, talk about selective mutism to people in the child’s life so they are able to interact with your child in a way that supports their treatment plan without causing additional anxiety. Here are some tips on how to talk to your child’s teacher or how to educate relatives about selective mutism to get you started. 

3.  Allow warm-up time

On the way to an event, let the child know they don’t have to speak right away. After an appropriate amount of warm-up time, ask a simple forced-choice question that allows the child to speak up. These questions allow a child to choose between two options rather than come up with a new response and provide a low-stakes opportunity for interaction. Jumping straight into socializing can trigger a lot of nerves—and certain spaces, once a person experiences anxiety in them, can sometimes become triggers for anxiety. So it’s important to approach new settings with preparation. If you allow the child warm-up time where they don’t have to speak, they can begin to communicate on their own terms. A child who feels secure in their surroundings is more likely to use their voice.

4. Offer praise when the child communicates of their own free will

Positive reinforcement goes a long way! When the child speaks up on their own, let them know they are doing a good job. Tell them you are proud of their hard work and you love hearing what they have to say. Make sure your praise is subtle and doesn’t interrupt their speaking or put them on the spot. Compliments are also a natural way to continue engaging in verbal communication.

5. Don’t require the child to answer in large groups

 Sometimes, a set of boundaries can go a long way. Large groups can be scary. Don’t pressure the child to speak up in more crowded situations where their selective mutism anxieties may be worse. Instead, initiate small-group gatherings to allow the child to explore their comfort zone. Set up one-on-one introductions with teachers before school begins, so the child can establish a comfortable speaking relationship before the first day. It’s easier to build up their communication skills from there and enter a new situation with at least one person they feel comfortable with.

6. Play games with a verbal component

Making communicating fun is a great distraction from their anxiety. Games that require speaking, like Guess Who? or I Spy, reinforce the rewards of verbal communication. For more engaging activities and games for selective mutism families, check out our list of favorites. Games take the pressure off the child and allow them to use their voice in a low-stakes social situation. Plus, playing with friends is a perfect incentive!

7. Practice brave talking

Brave talking is a strategy used with individuals with selective mutism that allows them to practice speaking in a comfortable and safe environment with positive reinforcement. Sit down with the child and practice simple scripts for social interactions they struggle with. What do you say when you order at a restaurant? How do you ask for directions to the bathroom? Avoid yes-or-no questions and allow the child at least five seconds to answer. By roleplaying these interactions, the child can build their communication muscles before they speak up in the real world. Plus, you’re spending quality time together, which builds confidence at the same time. Depending on your child’s age and comfort level, try bringing these practice sessions into playtime with friends or into real environments where the skills will be used.

Overcoming selective mutism is a journey and takes time. As your child progresses in their treatment, continue to partner with their treating professional to create opportunities for them to practice socializing in increasingly difficult situations at their comfort level. And don’t forget: You’re not in this alone. Join the Selective Mutism Association for more resources, including access to our Ask an Expert tool, and discover a local or virtual support group for community support.