Preparing for “Back to School”

The beginning of a new school year is typically an exciting time, filled with great anticipation for children and their parents alike. However, for children with anxiety, social fears, and/or selective mutism, this transition can be quite difficult, triggering a range of emotions including apprehension, irritability, worry, and fear. Going back to school means a new classroom, new classmates, a new teacher, and increased work demands. It also means leaving the comfort zone of the home environment in which many children are more relaxed and less anxious. So how can you make the transition back to school as smooth as possible? The following tips may help prepare your child and reduce stress for the whole family.

Be aware of, and manage, your own anxiety. 

As a parent/guardian, it can be a heart wrenching and uncomfortable experience to see your child struggle with the transition back to school. It can be difficult to manage all of your own emotions about the experience, while also trying to hold space for your child’s emotions. While it is important to acknowledge and process your own feelings, it is equally important to not let adult emotions negatively shape or impact your child’s transition back to school. Instead of modeling or communicating feelings of worry or apprehension (which will only serve to exacerbate your child’s worry), do your best to talk about back to school in a matter-of-fact manner. Highlight the positive aspects of returning to school, and speak with confidence about the experience, as well as your child’s ability to manage the transition. Remember, confidence is contagious! Respond to your child’s expressions of anxiety with empathy and encouragement; for example, a statement like, “It makes sense that you are feeling really nervous about meeting your new teacher, and you’ve done hard things before so I know that you can do this too,” can serve to both validate your child’s feelings and provide a little boost of confidence.

Make the “unknown” known. 

A new school year comes with many “unknowns.” Who will be my child’s teacher? Which classroom will my child be in? Which peers will be in the new class (especially those my child already knows and feels comfortable around)? What parts of second grade will be similar to first grade? It can be helpful to turn as many “unknowns” to “knowns” as possible for your child, by answering these kinds of questions.

Keep in mind that for some children, this can be a catch 22; having too much information, too soon can heighten anxiety. Know your child’s capacity for processing information and provide only enough information to reduce anxiety. For the questions that do not yet have answers (e.g., the teacher assignments might not be made available until a week or two before the start of the year), remind your child how they have successfully handled other similar “unknowns” in the past – and that this situation will likely be no different.

Talk, talk, talk.

Start talking about the return to school several weeks in advance and frequently revisit this topic. Point out the positive things about school (such as seeing a favorite friend every day, having recess outside with the big kids, or joining an older sibling in a new school building). Talk about the anticipated routine when school days return, such as what will happen in the mornings at home, how your child will get to and from school, and what after school arrangements or activities are scheduled. If your child’s morning routine will be changing significantly, it can be a good idea to start practicing the new routine about a week before school starts. This may include things like setting an alarm to get up earlier, getting dressed right away, and eating breakfast at a certain time. For children who are very young (such as preschoolers) or older children who are not as skilled at articulating with words, “social stories” may be helpful. Use this as an arts and crafts activity where your child helps you make a small book that tells the story of what the school day will be like, including as many details and steps of the school day routine as possible. Taking pictures of these places and incorporating them in the story may help reduce language processing demands, especially for younger children. Then read this book with your child daily. This will help increase familiarity with the school day and make for a smoother transition later. Another way to make the return to school exciting is to create a first day of school “countdown calendar.” You may want to include events like purchasing school supplies, getting a new outfit for the first day, and/or a visit to the school building to scope out the new classroom in this calendar.

Collaborate with the school. 

Make sure you talk with the school staff such as the principal, teachers, guidance counselor, school psychologist, and/or speech-language pathologist prior to the first day of school, so that your child’s educational team is aware of their needs before the school year begins. If your child is supported by an IEP or 504 plan, review the goals and accommodations to make sure that they are still appropriate for your child. Don’t hesitate to ask questions if you have any concerns about how your child’s services will be implemented. Establish a communication system so that you can be regularly informed of your child’s progress.

It also will be important to communicate your child’s strengths and difficulties to the new teacher as soon as possible. Your child’s teacher may not have had a student with selective mutism before, so it can be helpful to provide some basic information about SM to correct any misconceptions. Regardless of the teacher’s experience with other students with SM, it will be important to provide guidance on the specific strategies that work well for your child. The Educator Toolkit is a great resource that can be shared with your child’s new teacher.

Go on location. 

Start visiting the school property as soon as possible, even if the building is still closed. You can walk the grounds, try to find the window to your child’s new classroom, see where recess will be, and play on the school playground. Once the school building opens, see if there are opportunities to visit inside; you can walk the halls and check out your child’s new classroom (without teacher or peers present), as well as other areas of the building (e.g., lockers, cafeteria, media center, gym, music room, nurse’s office). Locating student restrooms in advance can also help ease anxiety! Hopefully, with no (or fewer) people present, your child will feel more comfortable and be able to communicate verbally with you and other family members; this can help increase confidence and comfortability with speaking at school. If possible, you can also arrange playdates on the empty school playground over the summer, preferably with a friend who will be in your child’s class this fall. This too will begin to facilitate comfort with peers in the school environment and help your child feel more relaxed at school. 

In addition to familiarizing your child with the school grounds and building, you may wish to set meetings with the classroom teacher and/or other school personnel prior to the beginning of the year. This may involve both time spent together without any pressure for direct communication (e.g., your child might be able to “help” the teacher set up the classroom or your child and the teacher might engage in some one-on-one rapport building activities like coloring or building with blocks) or it might include parent-facilitated opportunities to help your child practice “brave talking” with the teacher. Repeat these steps as necessary to help ensure an easier transition to the first day of school as the classroom, the teachers, and the school layout will already be familiar.

Set up a positive reinforcement system.

For children who are particularly anxious, having a simple reinforcement system in place can help increase motivation to attend school and make school attendance more fun. This plan should be targeted to address the school-related behaviors that are most challenging for your child and can be faded out or revised to address new goals as your child makes progress. For example, if your child frequently has tantrums in the morning and struggles to get ready for school on time, a reinforcement system might allow your child the chance to earn one point for the successful completion of each step of the morning routine with the points translating to a reward such as extra screen time after school or a special snack added to the child’s school lunch. Behavioral goals should be determined by the child’s current abilities (that is, it is important to make sure your child is actually capable of completing the behavior you are trying to reinforce) with clear expectations of what needs to be done to earn a reward. In addition, appropriate behaviors should always be acknowledged with labeled praise (e.g., “I’m so impressed you got dressed so quickly!” or “Thank you so much for sitting nicely at the table while you ate your breakfast.”). If your child does not earn a reward one day, they should not be given one anyway, but rather praised for their efforts and reminded of the opportunity to try again tomorrow.

A better bus ride.

One aspect of going back to school that can be particularly anxiety provoking, especially for younger children, is riding the school bus. To help your child feel more comfortable, a little preparation can go a long way. Before school starts, take a morning walk to the bus stop so your child knows where they will be picked up and when. If your child has never ridden the bus before, try to make arrangements to visit the bus yard for a tour. Talk with your child about who will be riding the bus with them and how they can decide on a place to sit. If possible, arrange for your child to ride the bus with a friend or to sit with a sibling or neighbor. Speak to the driver ahead of time to share some basic information about your child’s anxiety and SM, so the driver is prepared if your child does not respond to questions. Knowing about your child’s anxiety will also help the driver keep an eye on them and provide extra support if necessary. You may wish to incorporate the bus ride into a reinforcement system. 

Be patient. 

New routines and transitions take adjustment time. It will likely take weeks or even longer for your child to adjust to the new school year. It is important to continue to maintain a positive attitude about the adjustment. Even after the first day of school, continue to plan visits to school (as needed) to help your child feel comfortable. Arrange one-on-one playdates with classmates your child enjoys, and be patient, but persistent – it will take time to see the full benefit of all of your efforts, but it is important to keep working hard and practicing. However, if you notice that something is not working, be proactive by communicating your concerns to your child’s teacher. Collaboration and teamwork will be key, in terms of identifying concerns and/or barriers, and strategizing to support and/or solve them! For more information about selective mutism as well as information about resources in your local area, visit SMA website at www.selectivemutism.org